Maybe

Maybe you're not the right guy for me? Maybe you are best to go and get drunk and get laid like you usually do.... Maybe you were to dumb to realise what was infront of you this whole time, a girl who actually cared for and understood you, one that knew your past, believed in your future and accepted you for who you are today...........A girl that actually wanted a relationship with you not jut get into your pants....But maybe if after all this time you cant realise this then thats the only kind of girl you deserve, one that just wants to get into your pants, who doesnt actaully care about you, who wont always be there for you, who wont realise your down, who wont cheer you up in a non sexual manner.

We could have something good, something real, but you obviously don't want it.....Maybe Mum was right when she said "I know who you really like but it will never happen cause it just wont" Well i wish it would but if it's not what you want then i guess i cant do anything about it......

I just wish we didn't flirt so much and we weren't so close that you always made me feel this way if you never wanted a relationship in the first place......Let me know when you don't want to just play with me..... You are such a good friend and i dont want to lose that but you make my life harder each time you do this...... Last time i saw you with two other girls in a week.... you killed me inside that time but now.... now im not gonna let you do that again... now im just gonna let go.

I pray for you every night that things will get easier for you.. nothing to do with me... Just you, that God will heal you and give you a sense of peace..... You say thanks heaps when i tell you im praying for you but do you actually mean that? I will always be here for you as a friend when you need cheering up, i will always look out for you and keep you close in my heart but maybe you are just supposed to be a friend...... I think im just gonna give this up to God tonight, I didn't think i would have to, i thought praying about it would help but now its just gonna be in God's hands... not mine anymore.

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today just the way you are.

I know your past; you were a complete and utter dick to be honest but you know that... i wouldn't have gone near you with a ten foot pole! But gradually I've seen you change into this charming handosme guy that has become one of my closest friends. We've text at least 2 nights in a row now.... I've slipped in a few comments but i don't know how you interpret them. i stayed up texting you till 11.30pm when i we had training this morning.... you said you went to sleep after i said goodnight..... I just don't know if it's all worth it.... you keep bringing up our conversations when we're around other people and in a way it's cool that you're not keeping it a secret but does that mean we're just friends? I wanna spend time with you, just you, in a different environment... i want to just hang out with you and be able to hang out and beat each other up without any interruptions.... I wanna get a feel of what it could be like....
I believe in your future..... yes thats how the conversation the other night started off. I know what you're going through, I've been through similar before and it sucks but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel..... I always talk you about it cause i know how much it helps to have someone there for you.... if you hadn't been there for me i don't know where i would be right now. Sure other people helped heaps but you, you understood everything, you got how i was feeling, the pain and sorrow i felt...
I accept you today for who you are... well kinda..... I don't know how much 'sexual conduct' you get up to these days but i don't accept that nor do i accept the way you always get drunk on the weekends unless you have no money. Here's an idea... Why don't you save the money you spend on drinks and use it to pay for physio??!!!

I am a close friend to you and yes you have said that before but this proves that i know you on that deeper level not just superficially so to speak..... I want to try actually having our feelings out in the open and just locked away in a closet leaving me wondering and maybe you  i don't know....
.
I guess im writing this cause 1) i want you to know how i feel even though i know you dont read this and 2) i want to know how you feel. If you dont see us being more than friends then tell me now and i will back off and not keep liking you even more.....cause right now I really like you.....

Caring

"i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut, my weakness is that i care too much..." oh how true that is....  If i didn't care so much life would be alot easier. I'm the one who will always be there for you to cheer you up, to notice your in a bad mood to start off with and be the one who you can talk to about things.... I dont know if we should risk losing that. I don't care because i have feelings for, i just naturally care about you, its in my nature.... 
"first you tear my heart out, then you tell me goodbye...you're some kind of vampire"
You keep getting more and flirty with me... you hugged me last night... you tried to cover it up like you were goofing around but there was more to it... I could tell... but I dont know... God told me I'm not over you and i accept that but i don't know what to do about it.... you are a charmer and for all i know you could be out here charming all these other girls.......After all it's in your nature.....People change and i know you have but i don't know if you would be able to change that much... i keep getting reminded that we know where you've been.... "someone like him but not him is the kinda guy you want to be bringing home"........... You make me laugh and im pretty sure im always smiling around you but i dont know.... part of me says we should at least try something and if it doesnt work keep the friendship but part of me says we should just leave it as friends. 
I made a decision to stop liking you.. however after i made that decision you decided what  a better time than to flirt with me immensly??!!!! And ever since then aswell...I Don't know what's going through your head but maybe ti would be easier if i did?? Maybe it would all be easier if you had a gf...... then i would be able to let go... no that would be harder cause that would meant that you hurt me again and lead me on just to crash me down again.......


I just want some answers from you! if you feel that way then let me know and we can talk about it! Don't just flirt and leave it at that!!!! At least imply things more than "if you take physchology you cant mess with my head"... Please......

not over you

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Waiting

I could tell something was wrong yesterday but i didnt want to ask. i Figured that if you wanted to talk about you would, that's what you usually do. i was prepared to stay up and talk about it but you didnt seem in a talking mood so i sad goodnight and went to sleep. woke up a 9.30 this morning,. best sleep I've had for a long time. There is so much about me you don't know because I'm scared of what you'll think. There's stuff about me that noone knows cause im scared what they'll think.

Love

You say you fell in love with your best friends 3 years ago and you have been waiting 3 years to date her...HOW DOES SHE KNOW SHE'S IN LOVE WHEN SHE'S 13????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have nothing against you being 2 days away from dating her but it just confuses me how she knew she was in love with you so young. she's hurt you before which lead to you making a big mistake and i say this honestly as a friend... whats to stop her hurting you again? You had to make her jealous to get her back that time..... and now you're just gonna pack up and move with her....... She's only 16 in a couple of days and she's ready to make what quite possibly will be the biggest decision of her life... letting a boy move to the other side of the world with her..... it's alright for you... you have finished school in a week or so and then you can go on to uni and everything but to her.....

I dont know.... that's just my opinion.....everything just seems a bit out of wack to me.... and thats purely on a friends basis.


Alot of things about you confuse me.... But you are slowly becomign a close guy mate and i like it. =)

Contagious

I am accepting the fact that I can't like you, that I was just being silly and that's fine. I would rather have you as a guy mate than nothing at all. But there's just something about your smile...Its contagious......You wore that top again.... the one that brings out your eyes..... you don't know how hard i tried to not look.... even if i dont really fancy you anymore..... you are very good eye candy... :P I turned around in the exam today and saw you smiling at me... it was nice.... and then you laughed at me cause i couldn't get up quietly.. =( But yeah i just like having you as a good guy mate. Its much better than  a relationship... so much less work! ahahah

Games

Are you trying to mess with my head? You are such an amzing guy, and you fit my list.... well atleast i thought you did. I thought you weren't a big flirt... turns out i was wrong...You tell me yo uthink Im an amazing girl, that you love the fact that im so righteous, funny, smart, caring and "might i say rather beautiful" YOU DONT SAY THESE THINGS TO A GIRL YOU DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR!!!!!!!!!!!! 

right·eous/ˈrīCHəs/

Adjective:

(of a person or conduct) Morally right or justifiable; virtuous. Perfectly wonderful; fine and genuine.

 And then in that same text you tell me you have a girlfriend!!!!!!!!! An unofficial relationship for 3 years my Butt!!! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???!!!! You've had a proper girlfriend at school this year... what do you have to say about that???!!!! The last few days spending time with you have been amazing. i gel with you soo well and ive learnt soo much about you in these few days and you say there's so much more i have to find out. you say you want to spend more time with me, that you wish we had started our friendship earlier on in the year... when you said that i thought you meant cause you could see it going further than friends and with you moving away..to another country....to be with your girlfriend you now tell me, thats not gonna be very easy.... i thought at least we might be able to enjoy it while it lasts. I liked you, i actually liked you, i still do, you give me butterflies. I asked you to sit next to me last night because i wanted to spend more time with you, i wanted to enjoy your company some more and i did. i had the best night last night.... mainly because of my awards but i sat in between two very awesome people, you and my best friend. We had soo many laughs last night and when i got my big award and you had already left, it made me a little sad inside.. You were the one guy i could talk to everything about comfortably. we talked about God and the greatness of his love, we talked about our beliefs and we came to christ, we talked about how we both used to have confidence issues but thanks to God we've overcome them. Noone else knows that, noone really knows i used to wear glasses.... but you do because i felt comfortable telling you these things. our conversations and the time we spent together were just so natural and normal. it wasn't awkward or anything..... it was all soo enjoyable..... You said to me the other day that you were moving to America for university but it was a secret so i couldn't tell anyone..... why was i the person to tell? when you tell me a secret im gonna think there's something more that just friends.. .and then we were talking in our tutorial when you came and sat next to me when there was a perfectly good seat next to your guy friend you told me how you told your Mum about going to America and she was happy for you and everything.....there's one thing i've been really wanting to sya to you and I had planned on telling you in person today when you were spose to be giving me maths help but after you told me you had a gf i  decided that maybe i shouldn't... You have the most gorgeous eyes! When we spent all that time in the library together the other day you had this really nice blue top on and it brought your eyes out soo much and I was trying not to stare!!! You are amazing and yeah i can see you as a good friend and that's all cool but  i can see you as soo much more as well. You get me, yo understand me without knowing me on a high level. I would love to get to know you better, no strings attached, but you're going away in februrary so i can't help but think what's the point? We had prizegiving rehearsal yesterday....i swear we kept looking at each other.... idk but afterwards you made a comment about our umbrellas being "mushroom umbrellas" and after saying tis so noone can come under it and invade your personal space you cam under my umbrella!!! What were you thinking if you just want to be friends?!!! That was way to close for just friends!! i do believe the comment made was "you two are standing awkwardly close" But you know what, i liked it. of course i liked it.! But i thought it meant something. now i may have just been over thinking things way too much but when someone else read your texts... they thought the same as we.... and its the things you put winky faces after that made me think the most. like of course i love school cause you're there right ;)

There is a line between implying just friends and implying i like you! For instance "Of course i love school you're there right! :P HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA" Would be friendly but maybe pushing it a bit....

But "of course i love school cause you're there right ;) " insinuates you want more than friends!!!!!!
Last night you said you were"proud of me" for getting my sports award.... do you know how much that meant to be???!!!

Today we were spose to spend a few hours going over maths stuff so that you could help me but you got stuck on  something for an hour which we had already been trying to figure out for just as long before you arrived!!!! I hope that if i need some help with stats in the weekend you will be able to help me. Just as friends, no strings attached, i promise i wont try anything, I just want/ need your help.

YAY!!

Tonights training=6x800ms, Tongihts results=6xPB's!!!! WWWWWWWWOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Whatever i had today to make me do that! I absolutely love you! Praise the LorD for the strength he gave me to do that! For the guidance he is giving me with skating! Lord thankyou for showing me i made the right choice! I love you!!! =) Amen =)

Smile =)

It's the little things you do that make me smile. like scare me when I'm packing up, or going "wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle" cause you know it makes me laugh, like the smile you give me when you see me..... You know me... you get me.... and when you said that i gave you the boost you needed last night it made me feel important to you.....

THE END =((

JT: you are amazing, beautiful, funny, weird, intelligent, good at cycling... you're just all over awesome and im soo glad that we have had some awesome time this year! Stats has always been something to look forward to with our conversations! We had a good time at the cycling champs even if i was a complete fail on a bike 3 times as heavy as any one elses but it was still funny! you have been a great friend to me and i hope that we continue our friendship as we part.

Hannah: You always manage to make me laugh without trying! You are soo unique and so beautiful and intelligent its insane!!! Bio lessons this year were always exciting with you are around! all the best for waikato im sure you will do fab!!!

Leanne: ahhh the good times we have had!! I rmeeber the day last year you said "stop sticking your pointy hard thing up my bum!!" Eco and bio last year were just fab! from the time that you weren't sure what was going on with michael...whether you were together or whether he liked you or not to telling me what you two got up to in the weeknd! ;P You are such an amzing girl a nd you are....words can not describe how amazing you are! You meann soo much to me and i want to always keep in contact!!!! thanks for all the advice you've given me over the years It's been really helpful! I love you and everything about you!

Bex: You make me laugh! You can be such an egg sometimes but so awesome other times! thanks for the relationship advice you gave me and for being an awesome english buddy!!! Good luck for Aussie next year! I'm sure you'll do great!!!

Clarissa: Oh wow... i remember the day you came to my class in year 8 and i couldn't remember your name!!! hahah thanks for being such an awesome chicky and you are soo beautiful and amazing! This year i have seen such a change in you this last year and you have really blossomed!! I like how we always talked about God at the start of the year before you ditched me! They were some real nice convos!!!

Brooke: you're awesome!!! We had some good times before you started wagging PE everyday!!! but the times we had were good and i hope you go on to do something great with your life!!

Sara: We've had some good times in football this year and we've had some good laughs!! Thanks for being awesome and i wish you all the best for the years ahead!!!
Michael: i have never really talked to you much but when i have you are such an awesome dude! I really wish i had gotten to know you better but that's okay! Best of luck with whatever you do and keep having that amazing passion for God that you have! I am lookign forward to hanging with you after exams and having our convo! ahahaha

Bradley: wow...... we have known each other for a long time but never ben that closer friends... wierd huh??
well.... things were interesting with you.... we had the  whole of year 13 just about knowing that we had a thing and then that died down while i was away and then so did we and then we fixed everything and the nwe decided that actually we are better to try just be better friends. you are an aweosme, good luckiong funny guy who is a complete nutter but that still cool! you will make an awesome teacher one day and i wish you all the best for it!

Dearest Jessica Gibbs: GERMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahh the good times we have had!!!!! From year 11 Maths to now........ you have changed so much as a person and i love you still the same!!! they way you are in a journey towards God right now is soo amazing and it means soo much to be able to help you with that!!!
you are soo intelligent even if you dont realise it! and beautiful and funny and a big fatty!!!! i lvoe you soo much and i look forward to our future friendship! the last 2 weeks have been a couple of the best weeks of our freindship and you have the ability to know what's going on in my head when i dont and to give me the kick up the bum when I need it!!! Tahnkyou for being my best friend and i am soo happy we managed to push through such a rough time in your life.!! xoxoox

ANd Kimberly........ we didnt have long together last year but what we had was soo awesome!!!  our freindship started slowly and took off like a rocket!!! You are amazing and one of the most amazing people i know!!! you helped bring me to God and i thank you for that heaps!!!!  even after you have moved away our frindsahip has got even stronger and i thank God for that!!! I cant wait till i next see you! Hopefuully soon!!! But yeha you will make an awesome dentist one day!!!!

So yeah i love you all and keep in touch!!! I never wanna forget you guys!!!! All the best for your futures and best of luck for exams if you have them! Study hard!!!!!!!

And Girls... im keen for some movie nights and glee catchups after exams!!!!! XOXOXOOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOOX

I hope you realise i don't want this anymore... i Hope you know just to let thigns fizzle out slowly and not amke things harder than they have to be. me and you, we were never gonna work.... we had nothing in common really and we were just too different. if we get anything out of this i pray that we get a closer friendship where we can talk about things.  You wanna know what annoyed me most???  here goes:

-every silence you always had to break by saying awkward silence and it wasn't awkward until you said that
-the way you didn't remember things...you never asked ME how my seminar went
-the way you always had to interrogate Jess to find things out about me-why don't you just talk to me yourself?
-and really.... we're just too different.....
-the way you changed your mind about us so quickly

All these things made me realise that we weren't gonna work and really i don't know how much you were ever in my heart....i think i got all excited that a guy liked me but really i never liked you that way before you said you liked me and i think that's where I went wrong... i should've said no from the start and this wouldn't have happened.

But yeh all the best for everything and im sure you will make a fabulous teacher one day!!!!

We've had some good times and i wont forget them.

You are a great guy but just not for me and I'm sorry that it didnt work out.