you are an amazing guy,but the way you change your midn so quickly doesnt fill me with confidence. i get that 3 weeks away from each other was always gonna be difficult but i didn't think it would be that difficult. i dont know, i guess its hard cause we dont flirt that much in person... i flirt with guys that i dont like because we are such close mates and i can say things like "it's cause i keep touching you" and  laugh about it and not be awkward...
I had soo much fun being able to share me happiness and laugh with you the other night and i think that if we keep doing that it will all be fine but we just really need to work on the foundations first before we jump into it. I like you dont get me wrong and i felt so happy and comfortable with you the other night and it was like starting again but it still felt so good. i think that maybe we just need to spend time together walking around or something and just laughing with each other.
I'm really looking forward to hearing about your first day at work and tellign you about my weekend and about how high ive been this avro from diet coke, about the great day ive had! There's only more thing i want to be able to talk to you about...God.... I know i can't but i want to tell you how much he's been on my mind about how when i was with you and you started trying to suttley hint you wanted to hold hands, how you kept edging your hand closer to mine, all i could think of was "maybe it is in Gods plan for us to be together" .

This is how i see it; I have a list- you fit most of the boxes.... i can tell you want a long term thing. you're not here for a bit of a fun but when you started talking about next year and all that in our first few weeks it scared me.... i don't know why... i guess it felt like you were getting too ahead of yourself....  idk like that's all good now and stuff.... i think we can have a really good relationship if we just work on the friendship aswell...... thats another thing... yo usay you will be my rock and you want me to talk to you about stuff but God is my rock... you can be there to help me and comfort me and everything and its sweet that you say that kinda thing but when you say you will be my rock you remind me of Christ... IDK... maybe that's what you could be to me; a Christ like figure in my life and not know it.... I know you're not religious and i don't intend on changing that if thats not what you want but when i told you i was praying for you i wanted you to say thanks.... or say actually sorry but i don't need your prayer.... My best friend didn't believe in God but it touched her heart when we told her we were praying for her and then she ended up asking for prayer for me cause she wasn't sure how she felt about God and couldn't pray for me but she knew others held the faith that it worked. I want to be able to tell you about my God experiences and you think im a complete wacko but still like me anyway... i wont go on about it to you but i would like to say things to you about it and it not be awkward.. i dunno i guess thats a convo that needs having... i dont really know what im doing here-writing this... i kinda just started saying what was on my mind about you and then got carried away..

i guess after what you said the last couple of nights i need you to prove that to me... I have told you before that im always here if you want to talk... i will listen and not say anything or i will give advice if you ask for it... if nothing else..I will pray about it. i will tell god about what's troubling you and ask and pray his guidance and comfort upon you.

You are truly soo wonderful...except when you put me through a hell of a confusing week when i have enough to worry about as it is..... SO yeah im done venting for now but I'll just say that i had the biggest farm of butterflies when i was with you the other night. =))

Lost

Where have you gone? After everything we've been through, after 4 interesting years, after everything that happened between us its like your longer here anymore. I will always treasure you in my heart and care for you but i just want you to be there for me again like you used to. i remember when you said you had missed me and wanted to be better friends again but you never made the effort. As usual, you messed with my head and then chucked it away. You used to be the closest guy to me but now it seems like we're complete strangers. Please, i would love to be able to have a normal conversation with you like we used to, get crap like we used to and pick on each other like good times.

Yesterday

Yesterday i wanted to see my best friend and tell her all about what happened over my 3 weeks in Asia... However before i could do that i had to hear you complain about the fight you had with your Mum that you had already told me about. I had to hear you say how when you mentionedsomething i had said to you to someone else they said i was worng-you too kwhat i said the wrong way.

I see you 5 days a week and then you insist on always texting me after school and during classes! Sometimes i just need a break, when i said all that stuff i had personal  reasons behind it-those of that i see you soo much already and church was my time to hang with God and my really awesome mates that Ive met along the way. However, when you come i feel i have to talk to you more than them cause otherwise you get stroppy.  tomorrow i want to see everyone and tell them about my trip and hang out with them but all im gonna hear is you in my ear going yeah yeah you went  gallivanting across the world for 3 weeks and did heaps of shopping! i get your jealous but when you came back from your overseas trip last year i listened to everything without judging you or telling you to stop bragging. 

i cant even tell you that im spose to be going on a date with my pretty much BF to the movies because you'll get all upset about it.

you saw our best friend  when i was away and she said well steph hasn't seen me for nearly a year and you got all stroppy about it, its just a fact, let it go, be happy, lighten up about everything. Don't make these last 2 weeks of school harder than they will be, im gonna be stressed enough as it is.

Sisters

Just as i thought we were falling apart, you come back and remind me that we are sisters, forever and always and that you do care about me and that my love for you will never die, for you are my longest best friend ever and i treasure you so much that you are my sister. You are such a blessing in my life and I thank God for keeping you in my life. =) xox