Tomorrows either gonna be a really reallly good day or a really really bad day! Im freaking out right now!!!!

Being sick

Got all excited because i thought i was going to be able to start training again tomorrow, had breakfast felt good and the started feeling really sick, had to go to the doctor, might have salmonella (however you spell it) life sucks! Now i just hope I didn't get someone else sick! So their fault if I did!!! HAHAHA =P

I JUST DON'T KNOW

"I may be able to swing some money to get one or two tickets for this competition in Indonesia the 17th, 18th & 19th February, we would probably arrive back on the 23rd  the Thursday with Alan & Ajeng with us, then we have the South Canterbury Open Championships on the 25th & 26th February, so it would be worthwhile fitting them in finish 2 pm on the Sunday & Fly home Sunday evening from Christchurch."

Received this today... this has come from a selector for worlds...... this is a good thing right?? ARGH I DON'T KNOW! Got a lift home from the gym with one of the guys from skating's mum today and within 2 minutes shes asking if I'm confident about words!!! I JUST DON'T KNOW!!! Truth be told I'm crapping myself about it! I want to go more than anything but I JUST DON'T KNOW!!! She said today "No ones doing better than you so if you don't go then no one will go" So?! They did that last year... I was led to believe I was all but in the team.. newspapers said I was a shoe in for the Junior Worlds team... but what happened?? They didn't select any girls.. that's what happened. Sure one girl fought her way in but it cost her family 1000's of dollars....I know I'm doing better than I was last year but is it enough??? I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!! I wish i could stop worrying about it... I wish i could talk to someone about it... someone who understands but I just Don't know who! I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me so why don't i know who to talk about it?!!! Yeah right_____________ in a week I'm going to go to Indonesia again.... YEAH RIGHT, TUI..... Told me a month or so ago that you could pay for me and Dad to go we probably would've said yes but a week out?!!! You have to be Kidding me?!!! Why so late?! You've obviously known for a while so why leave it till now to tell me?!!!!! 2 weeks and then I SHOULD find out whether im in the team or not.....2 Weeks of absolute agony and confusion....... I've been waiting for this so long and I've worked so hard for it... now more than ever and I just want it so bad but is it in God's plan this year??? I SURE HOPE SO!!!!!!  ARGGGGGGGHHHHHH       
I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some relatable quotes

Worlds....

I wish i had got on to it earlier and then maybe I wouldn't be in this mess.... But maybe its a sign.... maybe it's all in God's plans for me and He has it all sorted..... I just don't know... I've dissapointed myself and my family.... You said before "one day mum and dad will get old and I'll be the one giving them money to help them live because you wont be able to help" You don't know how much that hurt... You think you can just say things like that and I'll just shrug it off....You don't know what you want to do yet, you're starting over again for the 3rd time so you're not really one to accuse me of not being able to financially support Mum and Dad in however many years time.... I have a pretty decent idea of what i want to do as a career but maybe this year isn't about studying...Maybe it's about skating... maybe I will get selected for Worlds..... Who knows?! Well God knows.... But I don't.... And now I feel like I just don't know what to do with everything. I know what i have to do but it's not that easy....

Maybe going away is what I need... away from everything....

Somehow i dont think that will help  with he trust issues buddy.... You cant talk like that with Sugar Plum Fairy if you want this one to trust you and want a relationship with you...