you are an amazing guy,but the way you change your midn so quickly doesnt fill me with confidence. i get that 3 weeks away from each other was always gonna be difficult but i didn't think it would be that difficult. i dont know, i guess its hard cause we dont flirt that much in person... i flirt with guys that i dont like because we are such close mates and i can say things like "it's cause i keep touching you" and  laugh about it and not be awkward...
I had soo much fun being able to share me happiness and laugh with you the other night and i think that if we keep doing that it will all be fine but we just really need to work on the foundations first before we jump into it. I like you dont get me wrong and i felt so happy and comfortable with you the other night and it was like starting again but it still felt so good. i think that maybe we just need to spend time together walking around or something and just laughing with each other.
I'm really looking forward to hearing about your first day at work and tellign you about my weekend and about how high ive been this avro from diet coke, about the great day ive had! There's only more thing i want to be able to talk to you about...God.... I know i can't but i want to tell you how much he's been on my mind about how when i was with you and you started trying to suttley hint you wanted to hold hands, how you kept edging your hand closer to mine, all i could think of was "maybe it is in Gods plan for us to be together" .

This is how i see it; I have a list- you fit most of the boxes.... i can tell you want a long term thing. you're not here for a bit of a fun but when you started talking about next year and all that in our first few weeks it scared me.... i don't know why... i guess it felt like you were getting too ahead of yourself....  idk like that's all good now and stuff.... i think we can have a really good relationship if we just work on the friendship aswell...... thats another thing... yo usay you will be my rock and you want me to talk to you about stuff but God is my rock... you can be there to help me and comfort me and everything and its sweet that you say that kinda thing but when you say you will be my rock you remind me of Christ... IDK... maybe that's what you could be to me; a Christ like figure in my life and not know it.... I know you're not religious and i don't intend on changing that if thats not what you want but when i told you i was praying for you i wanted you to say thanks.... or say actually sorry but i don't need your prayer.... My best friend didn't believe in God but it touched her heart when we told her we were praying for her and then she ended up asking for prayer for me cause she wasn't sure how she felt about God and couldn't pray for me but she knew others held the faith that it worked. I want to be able to tell you about my God experiences and you think im a complete wacko but still like me anyway... i wont go on about it to you but i would like to say things to you about it and it not be awkward.. i dunno i guess thats a convo that needs having... i dont really know what im doing here-writing this... i kinda just started saying what was on my mind about you and then got carried away..

i guess after what you said the last couple of nights i need you to prove that to me... I have told you before that im always here if you want to talk... i will listen and not say anything or i will give advice if you ask for it... if nothing else..I will pray about it. i will tell god about what's troubling you and ask and pray his guidance and comfort upon you.

You are truly soo wonderful...except when you put me through a hell of a confusing week when i have enough to worry about as it is..... SO yeah im done venting for now but I'll just say that i had the biggest farm of butterflies when i was with you the other night. =))